


Stay

by laykay



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Gretchen's there but not really because Shelby doesn't recognize her but it's Gretchen, Toni has mild brain damage and has seizures, no graphic depictions of seizures, someone asked for this it's not my fault, the other girls are there because they insisted on being included, there's time jumps to different points in their lives, this was supposed to be a one shot and it got out of control
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laykay/pseuds/laykay
Summary: Answer to a tumblr prompt asking for an alternate version of Look After You where Toni isn't faking when she gets sent to the med bay and Shelby sits at her bedside.---Toni had an injury on the island that she hid from the others and ended up with Shelby in medical at the bunker.  Snap shots of their lives after the bunker.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 40
Kudos: 450





	1. Chapter 1

Shelby woke up to the sound of voices in the med bay, she didn’t open her eyes but listened carefully. They weren’t talking about her, the voices were far enough away that she knew that much. One of the other girls were there with her now.

“You’re sure it was a seizure?” a woman asked, a voice Shelby didn’t recognize. “She has no history of seizures.”

“Correct,” a man said, this voice she did recognize, one of the doctors whose name she hadn’t bothered to learn. “We think she might have experienced some type of head trauma on the island.”

“Was it a grand mal?” the woman asked. Silence. “When you say trauma on the island…”

“Can’t be sure exactly what the initial injury was, but whatever happened to trigger the seizure plus the lack of oxygen she received during the attack, could be catastrophic. We’d need to pinpoint the area of the brain affected to know for sure but initial scans didn’t show any bleeding. She’s breathing on her own, which is positive, but if she doesn’t wake up in the next couple hours then…”

The woman let out a heavy sigh. “This is the last thing we needed. We can’t afford another causality.”

Shelby wanted to scream, to launch herself out of the bed and attack the doctor and the woman. They already had blood on their hands, now they were talking about another potential death like it was nothing more than an inconvenience, one more mess they’d have to clean up. She knew she had to keep pretending to be asleep to keep from being sedated, she wasn’t sure what they would do if they suspected she’d overheard their conversation, so she squeezed her eyes shut tighter and rolled on her side, trying to tune everything out. More than hating what she was hearing, she dreaded opening her eyes, seeing her friend… no, not her friend, a member of her new family, in such a bad state. 

She thought back to the island, trying to remember someone hitting their head or even just complaining of a headache. 

Their injuries had been relatively minor. They all had their fair share of cuts and bruises that were mostly left to heal on their own, a few broken fingers and toes they’d buddy wrap with scraps of fabric. Then there were the more serious injuries, where they had to do their best with what they had available, like the stump where Rachel’s hand had been after the shark attack, wrapped tightly in bandages made of shirts, and her own broken ankle, splinted with pieces of wood. 

She couldn’t think of anyone who’d had a head injury - not that she’d know how to go about taking care of something like that if she’d had to.

When the woman and the doctor finally left the room, Shelby kept her eyes closed a moment longer, trying to steel herself before she looked at the other girl.

She opened her eyes, slowly turning her head to look at the other bed. “Toni,” she gasped when she saw her girlfriend, the conversation she'd overheard quickly became forgotten, all the anger she'd just felt replaced with panic that she could lose Toni. She left her bed quickly and crossed the room, ignoring the pain that shot through her right leg with every step, until she fell onto the bed next to her. “Toni,” she said again, gripping her sweatshirt with one hand. “Toni, please, don’t… please be okay.” She glanced towards the ceiling then closed her eyes, bowing her head slightly. “Please don’t take her,” she said softly. 

She looked back at Toni, moving her hand to her cheek, managing to smile at the familiar warmness. “We’re almost free,” she told her softly. “Soon we’re gonna be out of here and we can do whatever we want. We can get our own place, just you and me. We can live next door to Martha, if you want, or all of us can just buy a whole block of houses because believe me, we are gonna sue… somebody. We can have a nice life together.”

She reached for Toni’s hand, holding it in both of hers before lifting it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. She hadn’t let herself think about a future outside the bunker, if she had the future was lonely and dark, everything she pushed to the back of her thoughts since she'd left the island came flooding to her all at once. 

“We can have a family, you can have a family,” she started, barely thinking about what she was saying. She closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Maybe this is too much too soon, but we can have kids, if you want kids. We can adopt or foster, whatever you want.” She sniffled, moving their joined hands against her forehead for a moment before returning them to rest below her lip. “And if you don’t want that, that’s fine too, we can have animals. We can get a little yappy dog or a big one, whose barks are like earthquakes, maybe both. Or maybe not a dog, isn’t there some kinda stereotype about lesbians and cats? We can have cats, we can have cats and dogs. Or… or maybe it can be just us. Whatever you want,” she told her again.

“All you gotta do is wake up. You took care of me on that island, you always made sure I was safe. Now it’s my turn, I’m gonna take care of you. Just wake up, I won’t even yell at you for not telling me that you were hurt. You don’t need to be scared cause we’ll find you doctors and treatment, whatever you need. Just open your eyes.”

She watched Toni, holding onto her hand. She knew that her eyes wouldn’t open just because she’d asked, but still she hoped. “I don’t know if you can hear me. If you could, I think you would’ve jumped outta bed and ran soon as I started talking about kids,” she said, laughing quietly to herself. “But I really hope that you can. Because I want you to hear me, I want you to hear me when I tell you that I love you. I know I’ve said it before, but I do, Toni, I really do. After everything we’ve gone through together, I don’t think I can imagine my life with anyone else and I definitely don’t know what I’d do without you in it.”

She moved the fingers of one hand to the inside of Toni’s wrist, to feel Toni’s pulse. She knew Toni was alive, she could see her chest rise and fall with each breath, but feeling the light beat under her fingers still brought her relief. She replaced her fingers with her lips, gently kissing the pulse point. “I’m right here.” Her eyes shifted over to the door of the room they were in, she knew that sooner or later the door would open and a doctor or nurse would see her in Toni’s bed. They’d stick a needle into her arm before she even had the chance to refuse to move and then she’d wake up again in her own bed.

She didn’t care though, whatever they did to her, she would be with Toni as much as she possibly could, even if she’d have to drag herself across the floor and crawl back into bed with her. As she moved to lay on her side on the small space next to Toni, she wondered how many times she’d be able to do that before they restrained her to her own bed. “I’m right here,” she whispered again, cuddling into Toni’s side.

\------

Shelby startled awake when she felt a movement next to her, she sat up quickly, wondering if Toni was having another seizure. Her mind was racing, trying to remember health class when she’d learned what to do when someone was having a seizure, but Toni was still again, only her mouth moved as if she were trying to talk before she let out a tiny whine.

“Toni,” Shelby said softly. “Baby, can you hear me?”

Toni mumbled something Shelby couldn’t understand, Shelby swallowed hard, trying not to panic.

“Okay,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady. “Okay. Those weren’t words. Just… just relax and try again. Just say something, say anything, please.”

“No,” Toni muttered.

Shelby laughed, one hand moving to Toni’s hair. Of course that would be the first thing Toni said. “No? Did you say no? No, what?”

Toni shifted uncomfortably. “Hurts.”

“Something hurts?” Shelby asked, trying to keep panic from rising in her voice. “What hurts? Your head? Does your head hurt?”

Toni shook her head. “Leg.”

Shelby looked down to Toni’s leg, she couldn't help letting out a quick laugh when she realized that she was sitting on her knee. “Sorry,” she said as she shifted to sit next to her. “That better?” she asked, smiling when Toni nodded. 

“Shelby,” Toni said, her voice weak.

She swallowed back a relieved sob at hearing her say her name. “I'm here.”

Toni opened her eyes a bit, turning her head to look at Shelby. “We’re not getting a yappy little dog.”


	2. Chapter 2

Shelby woke up in her own bed in the med bay, looking across the room towards Toni's bed, frowning when she saw it was empty. She sat up quickly, noticing the gurney nearby with three doctors surrounding it, one of them was pulling a sheet up over the head of the body on the gurney. She didn’t need to ask who it was.

“Toni,” she shrieked before she could stop herself. One of the doctors walked over to her calmly with a syringe in hand, pushing her down onto her bed with one hand on her shoulder even as she struggled. “What did you do to her?” she demanded as the needle entered her arm, the drugs hit almost instantly, her body started going limp. “What did… what did you do?”

Shelby woke up screaming, instantly waking Toni, who was in the bed on the other side of the med bay. Toni looked around on instinct, forgetting for a moment they were off the island and trying to locate the girl who was having a nightmare, before she realized where she was and looked at Shelby, who was now sitting up in her own bed. “What happened?”

Shelby closed her eyes. “You were… you were dead.” Her voice caught, barely able to say the words.

Toni left her bed, crossing the room carefully until she was sitting next to Shelby on her bed. “Hey,” she said softly, taking her hand. “I’m okay.” She kissed the side of Shelby’s head softly. “I’m okay,” she said again, leaning her forehead against the spot she’d just kissed.

Shelby turned her head to face Toni then leaned forward enough to kiss her, putting an arm around her as if she thought she might disappear.

“I’m here,” Toni whispered against her lips, one hand moving to the side of Shelby’s neck.

Shelby’s lips didn’t stop moving against Toni’s, her arm tightening around her before she shifted to lay down, pulling Toni down with her.

\------

Shelby almost laughed as she looked at Toni, laying half on top of her with an arm and a leg wrapped around her, remembering the countless times they’d woken up in that exact position on the island near their campfire, surrounded by their friends. _“Wake up, you little koala,”_ Shelby would say before Toni stretched and fell back onto her.

Instead of waking her up, she touched the top of her head softly, moving her fingers through her hair as she searched for a bump or any sign of injury, even though she figured it may have already healed during their time in the bunker.

“I thought you weren’t gonna worry about what happened,” Toni muttered, moving her face briefly against Shelby’s shoulder before she lifted her head to look at her.

“I said I wouldn’t yell,” she corrected. “How much of what I said to you did you hear?”

Toni shrugged. “All of it, I guess. Turns out even in a coma your voice is annoying enough to break through.”

Shelby froze. Even though she knew the condition Toni had been in when they’d brought her to the med bay, she hadn’t let herself actually use that word. Coma. “You could’ve died,” she said, saying the words out loud for the first time.

“Wouldn’t have been the first time,” Toni said lightly.

Shelby closed her eyes. “That isn’t funny. How could you not tell me you were hurt?”

Toni sighed softly as if she’d been expecting this conversation for some time. “Because I knew there was nothing you could do to help, there was nothing anyone could do. Telling you or Marty or Dot or anyone, it wouldn’t have made a difference. It just would have made you all worry and lose sleep checking that I was still breathing. And if I wasn’t then… like I said, there was nothing you could do.”

“So you were just gonna risk dying so that you wouldn’t inconvenience us?”

“I took fire duty from Leah the night I got hurt so I had an excuse to stay up. I figured I probably had a concussion, at least, and I just hoped if I made it through the first night that I’d be okay. And I was until… it must have been almost two months.”

Shelby shook her head. “Will you tell me what happened? I promise, I’m not mad. I just want to know.”

“I slipped at the waterfall,” Toni said, shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I went to take a bath so I was alone, stepped on a loose rock and just… went down. I honestly don’t know if I got knocked out, I just remember falling, even going back to camp is foggy. I think I was bleeding a little bit but it wasn’t that bad, there was a knot on the back of my head, a pretty big one. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”

“I’m a horrible girlfriend,” Shelby muttered, covering her face with her hands.

“Hey, no.” Toni shook her head, pulling her hands away. “No, you’re not. You just had your own shit. We all did. Even if you had noticed, I would’ve just told you that I bumped my head and it was no big deal.”

“Well, from now on, I want to know. I don’t care if it’s just a paper cut. If you’re hurt, I want to know.”

Toni chuckled softly. “Yes, dear.”

Shelby’s hand returned to the back of Toni’s head, letting it rest there as she held Toni against her.

“Did you mean all that stuff you said when you thought I couldn’t hear you?” Toni asked softly.

“I was hoping you could hear me, actually. I would have hated to have to say all that all over again,” she teased, kissing Toni’s forehead quickly. “But, yes, I did mean it. Don’t worry about it right now, we’re gonna have plenty time to talk about everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one actually believed I was killing Toni at the beginning right... right?  
> If you're wondering if the had sex in the hospital bed before the break, if you think they did, then they did.
> 
> I don't really know if I'm going to keep this going yet. I might do a skip forward to their lives outside of the bunker, if anyone's interested in that.
> 
> (also they totally fucked in the hospital bed)


	3. Chapter 3

Shelby and Toni hadn’t wanted to watch the video evidence of their time on the island. Even though there were parts of it Toni couldn't remember because of her head injury, she knew enough about what happened there that she didn't need to see it again. Luckily, it mostly made their case for them in their lawsuit against Dawn of Eve, but it also meant that it would be played in court, in front of them, so that jurors and everyone else could see them relive it.

There was one video that their lawyers suggested they see, of Toni’s injury. “They will play this in court, along with your doctors’ testimony, to show the severity of your injury. I don’t want it to shock you when you see it,” the lawyer explained. “I’m warning you though, it is difficult to watch.”

Toni nodded, she and Shelby looked towards the screen in the corner of their lawyer’s office. The video started, Toni at the waterfall. Sitting in the lawyer office, Toni shook her head, she hadn’t given a thought to how bizarre seeing herself on video when she was unaware that she was being taped would be.

Shelby leaned forward slightly as Toni looked down when the Toni on tape started to fall. There was a loud crack on the playback as she hit the ground, making Toni jump but she still didn’t look up. Next to her, Shelby gasped and reached over to take her hand. 

Toni glanced at the screen, seeing herself laying on the ground unconscious. She could see blood starting to trickle from her head onto the ground underneath her. “That’s enough,” Toni said, looking down again.

Nothing happened, on the screen she continued to lay bleeding on the ground and the lawyer didn’t move to stop the video. “She said enough,” Shelby demanded. Again, nobody moved so Shelby stood up. “Turn it off before I rip that thing off the wall,” she said, pointing to the wall mounted television. Shelby released a breath as the television turned off, she returned to her seat and looked at Toni, who looking slightly amused. “Guess you’re rubbing off on me,” she whispered.

\------

“You okay?” Toni asked as she and Shelby walked into their apartment.

Shelby shook her head. “After what we just watched, you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

“Yeah,” Toni said with a shrug. “You barely said two words the whole way home and you’re never that quiet.”

“I was just starting to forget you laying in that hospital bed and…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “And now I’ve got this image of you by the waterfall, bleeding and… that sound. That… that was your head and…”

“Okay, I changed my mind,” Toni interrupted, taking off her jacket and tossing it over the arm of the couch before she sat down, closing her eyes as she leaned her head back. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Shelby took her coat off, hanging it on the hook by the door before she picked up Toni’s to hang it up. She sat next to Toni, first brushing a strand of hair behind her ear then carefully moving her fingers through her hair, touching the back of her head softly.

“Are you like looking for a crack in my skull or something?” Toni asked, shifting away from Shelby.

“No,” Shelby told her, her hand dropping to her side. “I think it would have healed by now if there was…”

Toni rolled her eyes, turning to look at Shelby. “So is this gonna be the rest of our lives? You constantly wondering if I’m about to… I don’t know, keel over?”

“I just… I wish I hadn’t seen that video,” Shelby told her, closing her eyes as she shook her head. 

“Oh, really? You do? Cause I enjoyed it,” Toni said sarcastically. “Yeah, seeing myself laying there bleeding after my head cracked off of a fucking rock was a highlight. Isn’t one of your things that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle? So, you know, maybe there was a reason I couldn’t remember it. Lucky me, our masochistic kidnapper got it all on tape.”

“I didn’t mean…” Shelby started then shook her head. “It's a miracle you're alive and I thank God everyday that you are, especially now that I know how bad it really was. I hate that this happened to you. I hate that this happened to any of us, but I especially hate seeing you hurt.”

Toni released a slow breath. “Well, my memory is basically shit so, who knows, maybe I’ll forget it again.”

Shelby reached over to rub Toni’s back softly, silently hoping that this would become another hole in Toni’s memories and that her brain would erase the trauma. “Well, it does make me feel better that you legitimately forget to take the trash out and you’re not just not listening to me” she said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Toni didn’t laugh, shaking her head as she looked away from Shelby. “All cause of that fucking bitch,” she muttered, pushing herself off the couch then leaving the living room. Shelby slowly stood up to follow her as she walked to the bathroom, she yanked open the medicine cabinet and pulled out an orange pill bottle. “Before I could just like not think too much, about why but… now I’ve seen it and it’s not just like something that happened, this is all part of it. I’m gonna be taking these for the rest of my life so that I don’t have a goddamn seizure in the middle of the grocery store. I can’t even play basketball anymore, just in case I hit my head. Cause of her.” She threw the pill bottle into the sink then leaned forward, gripping the edge of the counter. 

“Your doctor didn’t say you’d never play basketball again, just that you should take it easy for a while, until we’re sure you’ve got this all under control,” she told her, picking up the pills and putting the bottle back into the medicine cabinet.

Toni pushed herself away from the counter, taking a few steps backwards until her back hit the wall then slid down to sit on the floor, pulling her knees up against her chest. “This isn’t what you wanted, I know it isn’t.”

“If someone had told me a couple years ago that I’d be living with my girlfriend in a tiny apartment outside of Minneapolis, true, I probably wouldn’t have believed them.” Shelby sat on the floor next to Toni. “But there’s things I want now that I didn’t want then and there’s a lot of things I thought I wanted that I don’t anymore.”

“Yeah, sure,” Toni mumbled, her face against her knee. “You want a girlfriend who has headaches all the time and sometimes can’t remember things that happened twenty minutes ago and…”

“Yes,” Shelby said, cutting Toni off. “Stop trying to give me an out because I want you and this is you. I love you. In sickness and in health, right?” 

“Marriage vows, really?” Toni turned her head to look at Shelby. “What, are you proposing to me in the bathroom?”

“No, but it still applies. For every single horrible thing that happened on that island, it brought us together and we took care of each other then, we'll keep taking care of each other. Right now is just more about you. We’ve been dealing with this fine so far, we’ll deal everything else.” She put her arm around Toni, leaning over to kiss her quickly. “And for the record, when I propose to you, you’re gonna know that I’m proposing and it won't be in a bathroom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically this is going to be jumping around in time a little bit, we'll skip a few years (or months) here and there. Toni's disabilities won't be a main focus in the long run, but Toni's gotta Toni and hate things she has no control over for a little bit.


	4. Chapter 4

Shelby bit the end of the highlighter she held, sitting at the small kitchen table in their apartment, her laptop open on the table in front of her, her textbook was open on her legs, propped against the edge of the table. She started typing then shook her head and looked at her textbook, her eyes skimming for information.

As she began highlighting lines in her book and correcting information in the document on her computer, her phone rang, playing a Taylor Swift song. She glanced at the strange number on the screen, almost pressing the button on the side of the phone to send it to voicemail but decided to answer as Taylor sang about being an old cardigan under a bed, just before her voicemail would have picked up.

“Hello?” she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice that someone interrupted the paper she was writing. Something about the voice on the other end, asking if they were speaking to Shelby Goodkind, made her breath catch. “This is Shelby.”

“Toni Shalifoe is in our emergency room…”

Her ears started ringing, she couldn’t hear anything that was being told her to her about Toni’s condition or what had happened. She shook her head, trying to recenter herself. “Sorry… what… what hospital?” When the person on the other end repeated the hospital, Shelby nodded. “Okay… okay, I’ll be right there.”

She hung up her phone, her hands shaking slightly, shaking her head again. She ran one hand through her short hair before she stood slowly, not sure if her legs would support her before she finally moved, grabbing her jacket and her purse, picking up her car keys from the table near the door before she left the apartment.

\------

Shelby ran into the hospital emergency room, searching for the bed a nurse had told her Toni was in, finally finding the bed with the privacy curtain closed. She slowed as she approached it, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever the curtain was hiding. 

When she finally pulled the curtain back, she sighed in relief to see Toni sitting up on the edge of the bed, pulling at the edges of the ace bandage wrapped around her wrist. “Baby, are you okay? What happened?” Shelby asked.

Toni glanced up at her then shook her head, clearing her throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s kind of a long, weird story. It all started when my professor started choking on this candy he was eating, so I ran up to give him the Heimlich cause apparently I was the only one who knew how.”

“Is he okay?” Shelby asked. “What happened to your wrist?”

“He’s fine, I saved him,” Toni told her dismissively. “And I was just about to get there. Then the roof caves in, falls on these two kids, basically exactly where I was sitting. So, I start digging through to them and pull them free but a piece of the roof fell and sprained my wrist.”

“Okay,” Shelby said with a quick laugh as she sat on the bed next to Toni. “You had me for about half a second. What really happened?”

Toni sighed. “I had a seizure and I guess I fell out of my chair and must’ve landed weird on my arm. Doc said I’d be fine in a few days, just try to keep it immobilized.” She released a quick breath. “I didn’t want them to bother you, I tried to tell them not to call you.”

“Bother me?”

“You have that test you were studying for.”

Shelby shook her head. “It’s a paper and it’s not due for two weeks. If you’re in the hospital, I want to know. Besides, how would you have explained this?” She touched Toni’s injured wrist softly. “Does it hurt?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t give that much thought.” She shrugged, shaking her head. “No more than my pride when I came to on the floor of a lecture hall with a bunch of people staring at me.” She let out a quick breath. “Can we just go home now?”

Shelby kissed the side of Toni’s head softly. “Yeah, we can go home.”

\------

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” Shelby asked, looking away from her computer to where Toni was laying on the couch.

“For the fiftieth time, I’m fine.”

“How’s your head?”

Toni chuckled softly. “Like I just said, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

Shelby raised an eyebrow. “Scale of one to ten?”

“I don’t know, like a three.”

“Well, your three is everyone else’s five so it’s basically a nine.”

“And now we know why you’re not a math major, but I am concerned for the future youth of America that you’re gonna be a teacher,” Toni said with a chuckle. “Seriously, babe, I’m fine. Write your paper.”

“I know how to count, I was just making a point.” She looked at her computer and saved her document before she closed the laptop. “I need a break. I’ve got class soon anyway.” Shelby stood up and walked over to the couch, lifting Toni’s feet before she sat, putting them on her lap, then bit her lip as she checked her watch. “Actually, I really don’t think I can sit through my history class after today.”

“I’m sorry, are thinking about skipping class? Who is this rebel girl and what have you done with my girlfriend?”

Shelby shrugged. “Missing one day won’t kill me. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate thinking about you here all alone.” 

“I guess there’s no point in saying I can take care of myself, huh?”

“I know that you can but like I said, I just wouldn’t be able to concentrate.”

Toni sighed softly. “You know if you don’t go to class every time I’m not at a hundred percent, you’ll go like maybe twice a month.”

“I know. And I know you’re okay now but… when I got that phone call from the hospital, I didn’t know that. I didn’t know if you had been in an accident or if you’d gotten hurt or…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “There were so many ifs and maybes that were floating around in my head until I saw you, until I knew that you were okay, it was like I couldn’t breathe. So, I do need a break. I need to just sit here with you and know that you’re okay. Then tomorrow, we’ll go to class and I’ll write my paper.”

“Yeah, but this is just cause of my…”

“No, it’s not,” Shelby told her, cutting her off. “I’d feel the same way even if you really did hurt yourself giving your teacher the Heimlich then pulling people out of a collapsed ceiling.” When Toni bit her lip, Shelby leaned over to kiss her softly. “Let me ask you a question, if something happened to me, if you’d gotten a call that I was in the hospital but I was basically okay and you had a class later that day, would you go?”

“If I say yes does that make me a jerk?” Toni asked with a grin, making Shelby slap her leg lightly. “No. You know I wouldn’t.”

“I know. You barely let me out of your sight when I broke my ankle on the island. Let’s just relax, okay?” She moved to lay down on her side next to Toni, who turned onto her side to face her. “Now that you know you’re not interrupting me, is there anything I can get you?”

Toni shook her head. “You can stop asking me that.”

“Well, is there anything you want?”

Toni chuckled. “Changing the wording doesn’t make it a different question. Would it be totally cheesy if I said I just want you?” 

“Oh, totally,” Shelby told her, kissing her quickly. “Lucky for you, I think I can handle that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really do hate hurting Toni, I swear. Next chapter she doesn't get hurt at all and the other girls make an appearance!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other girls are all back! They probably wouldn't all be brought to the same city for the trial but I wanted them all together. They'll also be back for future "big" events

Toni let out a content breath as she sat on the floor of a hotel room in California, where their group trial had taken place, between Shelby and Martha, forming a circle Rachel, Leah, Dot, Fatin, and Nora. Toni leaned her head against Martha’s shoulder, holding onto Shelby’s hand. One bright spot, if they were able to find one, was their “free” trip to San Diego, where Dawn of Eve had been headquartered to testify against Gretchen. 

“You three look like an adorable little gay throuple,” Fatin said.

Toni didn’t lift her head, just shifting enough to glare at Fatin. “If anyone’s a throuple here, it’s you, Leah, and Dot.”

“If we were, at least we wouldn’t be ashamed to admit it.”

“I wouldn’t be ashamed,” Toni said, cuddling into Martha’s side. “Marty just likes the d. I know we wouldn’t be able to keep her happy.”

“Not to mention, I don’t share,” Shelby told them, raising her eyebrow.

“Hey, not that this conversation isn’t fascinating,” Dot said. “But how about we celebrate that tomorrow we wake up millionaires? Drinks?” she offered, Shelby, Toni, and Martha shook their heads as Dot stood up to go to the minifridge in the room.

“Actually, we won’t get the settlement money for about six weeks,” Nora told her.

“Okay, fine. Then we celebrate that Gretchen’s going to jail,” Dot corrected, returning to the group with bottles of beer in her hands and handing them out. “If only she had been in jail three years ago.”

“Then we wouldn’t all be here together,” Shelby said.

“I love you guys, but I really could live without knowing you if meant none of this would have happened,” Rachel told them, looking at her prosthetic hand.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Dot said with a shrug as she took her place in the circle again. “I think if we could, we would all go back and stop two very specific things from happening.” She glanced from Rachel to Toni. “You guys getting hurt wasn’t fair, but getting stuck on that island literally happened for a reason. The eight of us were chosen for a reason. As fucked up as those reasons are, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to think about what my life would be like without y’all in it.”

“True,” Rachel agreed, with a nod.

A variety of “yeah” “same” and “totally” came from the other girls, clinking their bottles together.

“So, since we were in a fucked up situation and are gonna be rich in a few weeks, who’s got plans on what to do with the money?” Dot asked, taking a sip of her beer.

“Beach house,” Fatin said without hesitation. “In Malibu. With huge windows so I can see the ocean from my bedroom and a huge bed so that I can…”

“Anyone else?” Dot said, cutting Fatin off to a chorus of laughs.

“One of those robot hands so that I can control all the fingers individually,” Rachel said, holding up her prosthetic, opening and closing the fingers. “Like right now I can pick things up and hold stuff but I can’t wait to flick people off with it.”

“You should get a customized one, that just has the middle finger up constantly,” Dot suggested.

Rachel looked at her hand, nodding thoughtfully as the others laughed again.

“We might get a house too,” Shelby said looking at Toni, who smiled. “Nothing gigantic and obviously not on the beach because we’ll stay in Minnesota. But a house, maybe a basketball hoop in the driveway.” She gently bumped Toni’s shoulder with hers.

“And a big ass engagement ring?” Fatin asked, raising her eyebrows.

Toni glanced at Shelby, who shook her head at Fatin, then shrugged. “Someday,” Toni muttered. 

“Oh, whatever.” Fatin waved her hand dismissively at Toni. “We all know it’s gonna happen eventually. Why bother waiting? I am more than ready to be your maid of honor,” she told Shelby.

“Who said you’d be the maid of honor?” Rachel asked.

“Well, obviously Martha will be Toni’s,” Fatin said with a shrug. “I guess it’s Shelby’s choice…”

“I’m sorry, you guess?” Shelby interrupted.

“But if it’s between the five of us, I’m the obvious choice,” Fatin continued as if Shelby hadn’t spoken. “I was the first one to know about them, after all.” 

“Look, we are in absolutely no rush. We’ve got plenty of time for all that and, I promise, y’all will be involved,” Shelby said, glancing at Toni, who was picking at her fingernail. “Anyway, what about you, Dottie? What are you gonna do with the money?”

“I just wanna live, man,” Dot said. “You know, travel, see things, do things. Maybe finance some cancer studies. Anyone else got one?”

“Live a life unencumbered,” Leah muttered. “And I’m just gonna say it since apparently no one else will: therapy.”

“Way to kill the mood, Lee,” Rachel mumbled, shaking her head as she took a sip of beer.

Dot shrugged, taking a drink. “She’s got a point. Therapy, medical bills,” she said, glancing at Toni and Rachel. “Shit ain’t cheap.”

The group fell silent, all looking away from each other until Fatin spoke again. “I also want a solid gold Tesla.”

\-----

Shelby couldn’t help thinking back to the island, when all eight of them sat around the fire together, laughing easily as they talked, Dot, Leah, Fatin, and Rachel drank beers from the minifridge. Next to her, Toni closed her eyes and she could hear her breathing deeply and slowly.

Shelby reached over to rub Toni’s back. “You okay?” she whispered, leaning close to her ear.

Toni nodded silently, her eyes still closed. 

“Guys,” Dot whispered and the rest of the group fell silent, looking at Toni.

“What’s happening?” Leah asked. “Is this a seizure?”

“No,” Toni grumbled. “You morons are giving me a headache.”

“It’s okay,” Shelby said to Toni and the rest of the group, still rubbing Toni’s back. “Can someone get some water?”

“Got it,” Leah said before she stood. “Do you need like aspirin or something?”

“No,” Shelby and Martha both said.

“Certain meds don’t interact great with aspirin,” Dot told her. “If Shelby says water helps, just get the water.”

Leah got a bottle of water from the minifridge and handed it to Shelby, who twisted the top off and gave it to Toni. They all watched her drink half the bottle before she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Toni leaned against Shelby briefly before she opened her eyes. “Jesus,” she muttered when she saw the group all looking at her. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize over something you can’t control,” Nora told her. 

“Yeah, that’d be like Rachel apologizing for not having a hand,” Fatin said.

“That isn’t…” Rachel started but shook her head. “Never mind.” She turned to Toni. “You good?”

Toni nodded, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand. “I just… I need some air,” she said before she pushed herself up.

Shelby started to stand but Martha put her hand against her arm. “I’ll go with her,” she told her, picking up the water bottle before following Toni into the hallway.

Shelby cleared her throat after the door closed then looked at the others, who were now looking at her. “She’s okay,” she said before the questions started. “It just… happens sometimes.”

“We could’ve like… opened a window,” Leah said with a shrug. “I mean, if she needed air, she didn’t need to go outside.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not really used to people other than me and sometimes Marty seeing her like that,” Shelby explained. “You know how she is, it’ll probably take time before she’s ready for you to see her like that. It’s not about you guys, it’s just a lot for her, especially right now. The headaches come and go, or at least become more tolerable. Sometimes it gets worse with stress.”

“It’s not really surprising. The last few days have been kind of overwhelming,” Dot muttered. “I mean, shit, I have a headache.”

“That could also be the four beers you drank,” Leah said with a shrug. “Are you okay?” she asked Shelby. “Like, with Toni’s… situation?”

“I wouldn’t be able to do it,” Fatin admitted.

“Yeah, well, she isn’t an asshole,” Rachel piped up.

Shelby laughed softly, shaking her head. “I think you would do it if you really loved someone,” she told Fatin. “I mean, there’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t wish it hadn’t happened and I could make it all just go away, but for her, not for me. When she gets upset that she forgot something I said or knowing that she’s in pain and there’s nothing I can do to make it better, that’s what hurts me. And, yeah, some days are worse than others, but not being with her has never once crossed my mind and it never will.”

\------

Martha followed Toni outside of the hotel, watching her as she sat down on the curb against the brick wall. “You okay?” she asked, offering her the water as she sat next to her.

Toni nodded, taking the water from Martha. “I guess I should be happy they didn’t see me having a seizure.”

“What are you scared of them seeing? We all went through hell together, Toni. You know they’d want to support you.”

Toni nodded again. “I just hoped they could support me without seeing me…” she trailed off and let out a breath. “And Fatin with her freaking engagement talk.”

“Oh, come on.” Martha gently bumped her shoulder with Toni’s. “You know she was just joking around. Don’t freak out about it, like Shelby said, there’s no rush.”

“Yeah,” Toni muttered, taking a drink before glancing up towards the dark sky. 

“Uh oh,” Martha said. “What is it?”

“Well, like, you know, Shelby said no rush but um… I kind of have a ring. I mean, I don’t _have it_ have it but I know which one I want to get and I was waiting on the money cause I couldn’t really afford it.”

Martha smiled. “You’re gonna propose?”

“I was but if she wants to wait then maybe not.” Toni pulled her knees up against her chest, leaning her head against her knee.

“So if she wants to wait to get married then you have a long engagement,” Martha said with a shrug.

“What if she says no?” Toni mumbled into her leg.

“Okay, you’ve said a lot of stupid things but that might top the list.”

“I mean, what if she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with me, dealing with this?” Toni muttered, tapping the side of her head with her fingers.

“Then I’m gonna beat her up,” Martha said, smiling when Toni looked at her. “But I won’t need to, because what you’re talking about would never happen and you know that. Can I see the ring?”

Toni pulled her phone out of her pocket, pulling up a picture she’d saved of the ring, a large yellow diamond inside a cluster of tiny white diamonds, and turning the phone towards Martha. “Think she’ll like it?”

“You’re kidding me, right? Toni, this is amazing.”

“Really? You know I don’t know shit about jewelry. I just thought, cause, you know, yellow’s her favorite color and I guess yellow diamonds are rare so… I thought it would be, like, special,” Toni said with a shrug. “And the diamonds around the big one, it’s called a halo. Thought she’d like that part.”

“She’s gonna love it, especially since you learned about jewelry for her.” Marth smiled, wrapping her arms around Toni’s shoulders to hug her. “I can’t believe you’re gonna get married.”

Toni laughed, tucking her phone back into her pocket before she hugged Martha back. “You’re gonna be my maid of honor, right?”

“I better be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone's curious, this is what the ring looks like https://i.ibb.co/zFkp66W/shelbring.png


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no angst in this chapter (unless you count two lines of cranky Toni at the beginning) this chapter's also a little bit short, even for me, but I don't think anyone will complain ;)

“Babe, come here. Look at this,” Shelby called to Toni as she sat on the couch with her laptop open on her lap. 

Toni walked from the kitchen to the living room with a bottle of water and fell onto the couch next to her. Shelby turned her computer towards her, Toni looked at the screen and frowned slightly. “A car?”

“It’s a Range Rover. It’s not Fatin’s gold Tesla but it’s nice, right?”

Toni nodded then shrugged. “It’s your choice. You’re the one who’s gonna be driving it.”

“I know but I still want your input. You might be able to drive one day, you know, once your seizures are under control. Maybe if we like it, we can get one for you too once you get your license back.”

Toni let out a breath and took a sip of her water. “It’s your money, Shelby. Do whatever you want with it.”

“Okay, grumpy.” Shelby closed her computer and set it aside, she knew that driving was still a sore spot for Toni, every time she’d gotten close to passing the threshold to get her license back, she had a seizure and had to wait months again. “I know that just cause we got the settlement money, doesn’t mean we need to spend it right away but having a nice car would make the winter more manageable.”

“Like I said, whatever you want.”

“Well, isn’t there anything you want? You got money too, you got more money than me. I know we talked about getting a house after we’re done with school, isn’t there anything else you want?”

“Actually, I did buy something already,” Toni muttered, looking down at her hands.

“Okay,” Shelby said, her eyes narrowing a bit as Toni started fidgeting. “I mean, I guess it’s none of my business but why didn’t you tell me? Are you part owner of the Lynx?”

Toni almost laughed and shook her head. “Nah, I’d tell you if I bought a basketball team.” She got off the couch and went to their bedroom, returning a moment later, tossing a jewelry box from hand to hand. “I got this,” she told her, holding up the tiny box as she sat down again.

Shelby swallowed hard, trying to keep her mind from jumping to conclusions about what was in the box. “Okay,” she said, not trusting her voice to not shake if she’d said anything more.

“It’s, uh, it’s for you,” Toni continued as she sat down on the couch again. She continued moving the box around between her hands, not opening it. “I… I know I had stuff I wanted to say. Probably should have written it down, but if I wrote it down I probably would have lost that,” she mumbled, more to herself than to Shelby. “I’m happy I didn’t lose this,” she continued, holding the box up briefly. “I guess I could have put what I wrote with this.”

“Toni,” Shelby tried to interject, but Toni continued.

“I had it in my sock drawer, so I’d see it every day. It wasn’t, like, in a sock,” she clarified. “You’ve done the laundry, you know my socks can get kinda gross.”

“Toni,” Shelby tried again, this time she got Toni’s attention. “Why don’t you just, you know, cut to the chase?”

“Yeah,” Toni said, looking down at the box in her hands. She didn’t say anything for a moment, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Okay. Well, um, I… I know I’m a lot to deal with sometimes, so… so I understand if you don’t want to um…” she stammered, swallowing hard.

Toni’s hands were trembling and she looked about to combust, she rarely got flustered like this and Shelby couldn’t help smiling. “Baby,” she said softly, lifting one hand to Toni’s cheek. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” Toni exhaled deeply and finally opened the box, holding it towards Shelby. She smiled at Shelby’s tiny gasp when she saw the ring. “So, will you um… shit,” she muttered, shaking her head. She got off the couch and knelt on the floor. “Will you marry me?” she finally asked.

“Yes. Of course.” Shelby laughed softly as Toni returned to sit next to her. “See, was that so scary?”

“You have no idea,” Toni told her, her voice still shaking slightly. “I didn’t know what I’d do if you said no.”

“Was that seriously a concern of yours?”

“A little bit,” Toni muttered.

Shelby shook her head. “So about that ring…” she said with a laugh.

“Right,” Toni whispered, taking the ring out of the box and put it onto Shelby’s finger, her hands still shaking slightly.

Shelby lifted her hands to Toni’s cheeks, pulling her towards her to kiss her. Her hands moved to her shoulders as she pulled away, smiling as she looked at her ring. “This is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.” She looked back at Toni, who visibly relaxed. “Hang on one second,” Shelby told her, kissing her quickly once more. “I’ll be right back.” 

Toni watched her get up and walk into their bedroom, raising her eyebrows when she returned with a small jewelry box. “What…” she started to say before Shelby spoke.

“I got one for you. I was waiting, I wanted to be sure that you were ready for this. I’m not trying to, like, steal your moment here but I want to do this too.” She sat next to her again, opening the box she held to show Toni the ring, a three stone with two black diamonds on either side of the larger white diamond. “It’s really nothing special compared to the one you got for me but…”

Toni shook her head, cutting her off. “It’s perfect.”

Shelby smiled then cleared her throat, straightening up a bit. “Toni,” she started softly. “I love you, fully and eternally. I love you so much that sometimes I forget what my life before you was, because the thought of a life without you in it is so completely foreign to me now. Even though it hasn’t been easy, you’ve made the last three years the most special of my life and I would never trade that for anything. Will you marry me?”

“See, I should’ve said that,” Toni said.

Shelby laughed then raised her eyebrows when Toni didn’t say anything more. “Well?” she prompted.

“I’m thinking about it, this is a big decision,” she said with a grin. Shelby rolled her eyes then laughed as Toni put her hands against her waist, pushing her down onto the couch. “You gonna give me that ring or what?” Toni asked as she settled on top of her.

Shelby smiled, putting her hand against Toni’s cheek, happy that her mood had shifted. It had been a long time since she’d seen her looking so relaxed and genuinely happy. “What’s the magic word?” she asked, smiling as she fought back tears.

Toni kissed her, slowly and deeply. She leaned her forehead against hers when she pulled away. “Yes,” she whispered before kissing Shelby again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Toni's ring: https://i.ibb.co/F6fVWRR/toniring.png


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically a mess all because Fatin insisted on being involved and this happened. So this is probably going to be one of the longer chapters and also mostly filler.

Shelby sighed contently against Toni’s shoulder, one arm slung around her waist as they laid comfortably in their bed. She placed a soft kiss against her collarbone, smiling as Toni groaned softly and shifted underneath her.

“What are you doing up?” Toni mumbled, not opening her eyes.

“Just thinking,” Shelby said, grinning as she turned her face into Toni shoulder. “We’re engaged.”

Toni chuckled, her fingers trailing along Shelby’s spine. “And they say I’m the one with the shitty memory.”

“It just all feels like a dream.” She leaned against Toni for a moment then put a hand against her stomach to push herself up to look at her. “We need to tell them.”

Toni blinked at her. “Them? Them who?” She shook her head, Shelby hadn’t spoken to her family for nearly three years and she couldn’t imagine why she’d want to tell them they were getting married. “Do you want your dad to, like, walk you…”

“No,” Shelby told her, her hand pressing gently against Toni’s ribcage as she shook her head. “No. I’m more than capable of getting myself down the aisle, besides I don’t think he’d do it even if I asked, and I only want people there who are really, truly, happy for us. I was talking about the rest of the girls.”

“Okay,” Toni said as she nodded. “I thought you would have already texted them but…”

“I don’t want to text them. I know we can’t tell them in person but maybe we can all have a video chat, so we can tell them all at once and as in person as we can.”

“I already told Marty,” Toni admitted softly. “She took me to get it,” she told her, motioning to her ring. “Texting would be easier, you know, with everyone’s schedules and stuff.”

“I figured,” Shelby said with a smile. “But I know she hasn’t told anyone and if we send a mass text then Leah might look at her phone before Fatin and if Rachel hasn’t seen it yet, then they would…”

“Okay, got it. We still need to text them and make sure everyone can get on at the same time, right? It’s kinda late, we should wait until morning to do that.”

Shelby shook her head as she reached for her phone on the nightstand. “We don’t need to. If they’re not near their phone, they just answer whenever they can.”

Toni plucked the phone from Shelby’s hands as she opened their group chat, rolling on top of her as she returned it to its charger. “We should wait until morning,” Toni told her again before kissing her.

Shelby grinned against Toni’s lips. “Yeah, we’ll wait,” she agreed.

\-----

Toni sat next to Shelby in front of her computer as they waited for the rest of the girls to log on to the video chat. They still had a couple minutes before the time they’d all agreed on but Shelby was too excited to wait to log on.

“Keep your hand down,” she told Toni when she lifted her left hand to push her hair back.

“Sorry,” Toni muttered, lowering her hand just in time before Rachel’s video popped up, in her dorm at NYU.

“Everything okay?” Rachel asked them.

“It’s fine,” Shelby assured her, silently reminding herself to keep her own hand down. “We’re just waiting on the others, we want to tell everyone at once.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows and nodded, Toni saw a small smirk on her lips. One by one, five other boxes appeared on Shelby and Toni’s screen, with Fatin logging on last.

“Okay, we’re all here,” Dot said. “What’s going on? Did something happen? Toni, are you…”

Shelby shook her head, automatically holding her hands up to stop Dot’s stream of thoughts. “Calm down. It’s nothing bad.”

Fatin’s eyes narrowed, she leaned forward a bit as Shelby’s hands lowered. “Whoa, whoa, hold up. What the fuck is that?” she asked, catching the light glint off the ring.

Martha smiled, biting her lip, as Toni and Shelby looked at each other. “Tell them!” she demanded when the couple was silent a second too long.

Shelby laughed, holding her hand up so that her ring faced the camera. “We’re engaged. Babe, show them your ring,” she told Toni, who held up her own hand. “We both said yes.”

The other girls all cheered, Rachel stood up from her desk chair so quickly it fell over. “I knew it!” she yelled, pointing at her computer before she walked out of the line of her camera. “I. FUCKING. KNEW. IT.”

“She did,” Leah said, nodding as Rachel continued celebrating her clairvoyance.

“I did,” Rachel said as she picked up her seat and sat down. “And you all owe me fifty bucks.” Leah rolled her eyes. 

“Not me,” Martha said. “I wasn’t part of that.”

“Wait, what?” Shelby asked. “What’s happening?”

“There was a pool,” Nora told her. “We figured it was coming eventually, we each had a week blocked out.”

“Not me,” Martha said again.

“Well obviously you knew,” Rachel said to Martha. “It wouldn’t have been fair if you were in.”

“I knew it was happening, I didn’t know when.”

“We all knew it was happening,” Dot interjected. “That was the whole point.”

“Are we that obvious?” Shelby asked with a laugh.

“Honestly, I thought you would’ve gotten hitched soon as you moved out there. Living in sin this whole time,” Dot teased, shaking her head.

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Well, I guess it’s finally happening then.”

“Finally,” Fatin agreed. “And we get to have a bachelorette party.”

Toni and Shelby looked at each other then back to their computer screen. “What exactly would that entail?” Shelby asked.

“Well, normally, strippers,” Fatin told her. “But to be completely honest, I don’t know if I should hire guys or girls for you.”

“I can’t speak for my fiancée,” Shelby started, smiling as she put an arm around Toni. “But I, for one, would really prefer to not watch some stranger grinding on her,” Shelby said.

“You wouldn’t have to watch,” Fatin said with a shrug.

“No strippers,” Toni agreed. “There’s only one person I want to see naked ever again.”

“Better be me,” Shelby teased.

“You two are gross,” Fatin muttered as Shelby kissed Toni. “Can we at least have a girls’ weekend? I’m closing on my new place in a couple weeks.”

Shelby smiled. “You mean getting out of Minnesota and going to warm, sunny California in the dead of winter? Abso-freaking-lutely.” 

\-----

Toni sat next to Shelby on the loveseat, the rest of the girls all scattered onto different pieces of large, soft furniture the living room of Fatin’s new house in Malibu. From where Toni sat, she had a perfect view of the ocean outside the large picture window. She had tuned out of the conversation the others were all involved in, still managing a smile when Shelby showed the girls her ring again, as she watched the waves crash onto the beach. 

Shelby kissed the side of Toni’s head, Toni returned the kiss to her cheek without looking away from the window.

“Doesn’t being so close to the ocean ever bother you?” Toni asked suddenly, interrupting the laughter at a joke she’d missed.

The rest of the girls all looked at Toni as if they hadn’t given a thought to the location of the house before Fatin shrugged. “Actually, it kinda calms me down. I mean, I never thought I’d miss waking up on the beach but I kind of did. Now I just need to look out my window and it’s just a few steps to get out to the sand.”

Toni nodded, still not looking away from the window. “I guess maybe it’s different when you didn’t almost die out there.”

“We all almost died,” Martha said carefully.

“Yeah, except we all didn’t.” Toni shook her head. “They wouldn’t have let us starve or anything, right?” she asked, looking at Nora, who looked away from her. “I’m the one who cracked my skull off a rock. I’m the one who might not have woken up one morning, none of you would have even known why. No amount of meds or supplies would’ve helped.”

“Toni,” Shelby said softly.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Toni asked before Shelby could say anything else.

“Upstairs, second door,” Fatin told her. “That one doesn’t have a view.”

Toni rolled her eyes as she stood up. “Seriously, even the bathrooms?” she muttered as she walked to the stairs.

She slammed the door shut bit harder than she intended before she paced the small room a couple times, then gripped the edge of the sink as she leaned forward, trying to catch her breath, before pushing herself back. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

She didn’t move when there was a knock on the door. “I’m fine,” she said.

“It’s me,” Shelby called from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

“Okay.” Toni looked up as Shelby opened the door and slid into the room, closing the door silently behind her. “I’m fine,” she said again.

Shelby nodded. “I know. Fatin wanted me to make sure you weren’t destroying her bathroom. Which, by the way, is gorgeous,” she said, looking at the large glass enclosed shower. “How many people do you think can fit in that shower at once?”

Toni looked at the shower, raising her eyebrows as if she hadn’t noticed it until that moment. “Knowing Fatin, probably like ten.”

“Well, I think we should get a shower like that in our house but smaller, space for two. This bathtub though,” Shelby said, walking over to lean against the tub next to Toni. “I want this tub.”

Toni’s eyes widened as Shelby climbed into the tub. “What are you doing?”

“I want this tub,” she said again as she stretched out, the bathtub large enough to allow her to lay comfortably in it. “And you know what, I think there’s room for two,” she added, reaching for Toni’s hand.

“Fatin’s gonna kill us,” Toni said, shaking her head. Shelby tugged gently on her hand and pouted, making Toni sigh softly and get into the bathtub with her, laying back against her.

“Just picture us when we get our house, having this bathtub and just soaking together after a long day, all wrapped up in each other.” Shelby wrapped her arms around Toni’s stomach and slid her legs over top of hers, enveloping herself around her.

Toni smiled, linking her fingers through Shelby’s where they rested on her stomach, smiling at the rings on their hands. “I’m fine with whatever you want.”

Shelby smiled, kissing the side of Toni’s head quickly as she looked at their hands over her shoulder. “We’re getting married,” she whispered.

“Yeah, we are, Mrs. Goodkind-Shalifoe.”

Shelby made a face. “I don’t like that much.”

“Okay,” Toni said with a shrug. “Shalifoe-Goodkind, then.”

“No, I mean both of our last names are kinda long. Makes hyphenating a bit of a mouthful, doesn’t it? What if I took your name and we were both Mrs. Shalifoe?”

“Really?” Toni asked with a smile as she looked over her shoulder at her.

“Really,” Shelby told her, kissing her before she turned back to lay against her.

“Can we just stay here for a while?” she asked softly.

Shelby nodded against Toni’s shoulder. “Of course, as long as you want. You know, if I’m being completely honest, I kind of thought Fatin was insane for wanting to live on the beach when she told us, I thought I could have lived without seeing a beach ever again and I couldn’t understand why any of us would want to live in a place like this.”

“Yeah,” Toni whispered simply.

“But also I kind of get it,” she continued, her face buried against Toni’s hair, her arms tightening slightly around her. “I mean, if you hadn’t gotten hurt, I’d love it, we said I love you to each other for the first time on the beach, all those nights we fell asleep in each other’s arms, or stayed up together looking at the stars, I told you things I’ve never told anybody.”

Toni almost laughed. “Not that I remember most of those things. Guess that makes me a good person to tell secrets to.”

“Stop,” Shelby muttered, kissing Toni’s head again. “I do love the beach, in some ways. I mean, if you had actually gotten hurt on the beach, I’d hate it. I’ll always hate waterfalls.”

“So Niagara Falls for our honeymoon is out?” Toni turned in Shelby’s arms so she was facing her. “Where do you wanna do that, anyway?”

“Somewhere romantic,” Shelby told her, her hands moving up and down Toni’s back. “But fun. You know, I don’t want to spend the whole time in a hotel room.”

“Minneapolis,” Toni suggested with a grin. “We won’t even need a hotel room.”

“I’m all for staycations but how about we expand outside of Minnesota?”

“Okay. Green Bay?” Toni laughed when Shelby rolled her eyes. “What? It’s in Wisconsin, we’d have to go all the way across another state.”

“Luckily, we have time to figure it out.” She put her arm tight around Toni’s waist, pulling her against her as she kissed her.

Toni grinned as she kissed her back then leaned her forehead against hers. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

“What?” Shelby asked, leaning back enough to look at Toni. “What do you mean? You wanna go home? I don’t know when the next flight is but I’ll check…”

“No,” Toni told her cutting her off. “Wanna go for a walk?”

“You mean on the beach? Are you sure?”

Toni nodded. “You’ll stay close, right?”

“Of course I will.”

\-----

Shelby held onto Toni’s hand as they passed through Fatin’s living room on their way towards the front door. “We’ll be back,” Shelby called back to their friends. “Just getting a little air.”

“Hey, wait up,” Dot said quickly as she stood up, walking over to them. “Look, everyone gets it, why the beach and the ocean freaks you out,” she whispered to Toni. “You’re not alone, you know?”

“I’m fine,” Toni assured her. “Tell the others I’m fine too. I just need some alone time with my fiancée.”

Dot grinned at them and nodded. “Got it. I’ll relay the message. You kids have fun.” She winked at them before turning around to rejoin the group.

“Thanks, Dottie,” Shelby chuckled before tugging gently on Toni’s hand. “Ready?”

Toni nodded and let Shelby lead her out of the house then walked next to her the short distance to the beach, still holding onto her hand.

“You okay?” Shelby asked as they started to walk down the beach.

Toni nodded then felt Shelby’s hand tremble inside of hers. “Are you?”

“I’ll be fine.” She almost laughed at how different this beach was from the one they’d lived on on the island. The sand was a deep golden color, not the dark brown they’d become used to. There were obvious signs they weren’t alone, beyond the houses that lined the coast, there were some other people on walks or swimming in the water. They were Fatin’s neighbors, Shelby figured, the public beaches would probably be so crowded that there would barely be space to move. 

Toni wasn’t a fan of crowds in general, the noise levels made her headaches worse, so Shelby was happy the area was mostly secluded but not so much that they were completely alone. Still, she made sure they didn’t go too far from Fatin’s house.

She glanced out towards the ocean, knowing the island was somewhere out there, thousands of miles away from where they were standing. She shifted closer to Toni automatically then looked at her, watching her as she looked down at the sand beneath their feet.

“What are you thinking?” Shelby asked softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Nothing.” Toni let out a quick chuckle, shaking her head. “I’m trying not to, actually.”

“We can go back, if you want.”

Toni bit the inside of her lip then nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“For what? Don’t apologize,” Shelby told her, releasing her hand to put her arms around her, hugging her tightly. “You never have to apologize to me, for anything.”

“Oh really? I never have to apologize about anything ever again?”

“Okay, well not anything,” Shelby clarified, kissing the side of Toni’s head softly. “Most things.”

“Can I have like a list so I know what most things are?”

“I’ll let you know when you need to apologize.”

Toni chuckled as Shelby kissed her forehead before pulling away and taking her hand again to lead her back to Fatin’s house. “Hey, Shelby,” she said softly. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Shelby said with a laugh. “What for?”

“Sticking with me. I know it’s not easy with my uh… you know. And also kind of in general I’m a lot to put up with.”

Shelby looked at Toni, shaking her head. “Where else would I be? Look at me,” she ordered softly, giving Toni’s hand another squeeze as she stopped so that she stopped as well. “I love you. I want to be perfectly clear about something, I don’t put up with you. I want to be with you, no matter how bad things have been, I always want to be with you.” She kissed her softly then slowly sat in the sand, holding onto Toni’s hand. “Come here,” she said softly. “It’s okay,” she added when Toni hesitated. 

She let Shelby guide her to sit between her legs, smiling as Shelby’s arms came around her. Toni glanced at the waves lapping up the shore before looking over the horizon, squinting at the sunset.

“We were sitting exactly like this the first time we said I love you to each other,” Shelby whispered, her lips against Toni’s neck.

Toni chuckled and nodded. “I remember,” she said, thinking back to the island as they sat together near the beach campfire, whispering to each other as the other girls slept. She flinched a bit when she heard a wave crash in the distance, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“You okay?” Shelby asked softly.

Toni nodded again, leaning back against her. “Just don’t let go.”

Shelby’s arms tightened slightly around Toni, kissing her neck again. “Never.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter took a little longer than normal but I decided halfway through writing something completely different that I wanted to write their wedding instead. Hopefully

“You good?” Leah asked as she, Rachel, and Fatin finished helping Shelby into her wedding dress.

“It’s okay if you can’t breathe,” Fatin added. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be able to.”

“I can breathe,” Shelby told her as she looked at herself in the mirror. “Lord, my daddy would hate this dress.” 

Fatin smirked at her. “Isn’t that part of the reason you bought it?”

Shelby smiled, remembering looking in the mirror as Dot wolf whistled from where the rest of the girls – minus Toni – were sitting in the bridal shop when she was dress shopping. She could actually hear her father’s voice as she saw herself for the first time in the dress, _“Don’t you think it’s a little much, Shelb? You know some things are better left to the imagination.”_

She’d worn mermaid gowns on the pageant circuit, but none like her wedding dress. It was lacy and formfitting, hugging every curve and revealing more cleavage than her father ever would have allowed. And the feature that her father would have hated more than any other part of her dress: the soft cream color.

Fatin’s hands tucking a loose strand of hair back into her carefully styled updo brought Shelby out of her thoughts. “You look really hot. Like shit, girl, if it weren’t your wedding day…”

Shelby laughed. “Alright, calm yourself down. I am a soon-to-be married woman after all.” She looked back into the mirror. “You think Toni’ll like it?” she asked, moving her hands over the tight bodice.

“You’re kidding right?” Fatin asked with a laugh. “I mean, you could wear a potato sack and have actual shit in your hair and she’d still think you’re gorgeous. But, yes, I do think she’ll like it.”

“She’s gonna die when she sees it,” Leah said in agreement. “Not literally. Just, you know.”

“You better already be drunk, Lee” Rachel muttered. “Cause that is the only possible explanation for what you just said. But Fatin’s right, Toni definitely didn’t mind when your hair went to shit on the island.”

“That’s true, I never really thought about that,” Leah said, nodding her head. “Maybe we should…”

“Okay, whatever you two are thinking, quit it,” Fatin told them, cutting Leah off. “We’re not fucking up Shelby’s hair for the wedding.”

The four women looked up when there was a knock on the door and Dot’s head popped into the room. “Hey, we all good in here?” she asked before opening the door further and stepping in. “Preacher lady wants all the bridesmaids front and center so we can get this show on the road.”

Rachel, Leah, and Fatin all left the room, Shelby walked over to Dot before she left as well. “Dottie, wait,” she whispered, tugging gently on her arm to pull her back into the room. “How’s Toni?”

“She’s good. Shadowboxing to Eye of the Tiger.” Dot laughed softly when Shelby’s eyebrows furrowed. “She’s fine, I promise. We’re taking good care of her. Don’t worry, she’ll be all yours soon.” She winked before touching Shelby’s arm and turning to leave the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

Shelby let out a breath as she was left alone, she turned back towards the mirror, checking for any stray hairs to fix or spots of makeup to touch up. She hadn’t heard the door open again, not noticing anyone else in the room until she heard a soft gasp behind her.

“Wow. Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful,” Toni said softly.

Shelby spun to look at Toni, she quickly grabbed a silky robe off a nearby chair and held it against herself. “Toni! What are you doing? It’s bad luck for us to see each other.”

“Really?” Toni asked with a chuckle. “As opposed to all the good luck we’ve had?”

“Exactly, so why risk it now?”

Toni shook her head, walking over to Shelby. “Nah, I don’t believe that. Besides, it’s probably just some ancient superstition that’s super sexist and was bullshit even when it started.” She gently pulled on Shelby’s arm until she lowered the robe and tossed it back onto the chair. “See, look at you, how could I not be the luckiest person alive?”

Shelby shook her head, her eyes scanning Toni’s suit, her tie the same bright golden color as the bridesmaid’s dresses. “And look at you. You sure clean up nice,” she teased, straightening her tie slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m not in sweatpants and basketball shorts for once.”

“You look amazing,” she whispered, her fingers moving down the lapels of Toni’s jacket.

“Look at you. Those fucking heals of yours though,” Toni said under her breath as she leaned up to kiss Shelby. 

Shelby laughed softly against Toni’s lips, kissing her back briefly before stepping back. “Okay, silly superstition or not, we don’t have time for this. Dot said it was almost time to start.”

Toni shook her head. “We’ve got time. I kind of asked Dot to help me out so we could be alone for a couple minutes.” Shelby’s mouth fell open, she looked at the door as she shook her head. “In her defense, she told me it was a bad idea, I had to talk her into it. Don’t be mad at her,” she added quickly. “I just… I had to see you.”

“If I’m being honest, I really wanted to see you too.” Her hands slid down Toni’s arms to take her hands. “I’m not used to not being able to see you or talk to you, text you, or anything. It was kinda making me nervous.”

“No reason to be nervous,” Toni told her, squeezing her hands then pulling her arms around her waist. “As long as you’re not getting cold feet.”

Shelby shook her head. “Toasty warm. Yours?”

“Basically on fire.” She laughed softly and stepped closer to Shelby, smiling as her arms automatically tightened around. “I cannot wait to spend my life with you. You’re such an amazing person, I have no clue what I did to deserve you.”

Shelby kissed Toni quickly, trying not to tear up. “You better save something for the vows,” she whispered. “Don’t make me cry, if you mess up my make up already, Fatin will beat you senseless.”

“Okay.” Toni stepped backwards until Shelby’s arms fell from around her. “I should go before someone thinks I’m missing or something.”

Shelby bit her lip to keep from frowning then nodded. “Right.” She held onto Toni’s hand as they walked back to the door. “See you soon?”

“See you soon, Mrs. Shalifoe,” Toni said softly, leaning up to kiss Shelby quickly before opening the door behind her back and slipping out.

\-----

Shelby took a deep, steadying breath as she stood facing Toni, Toni’s thumb softly moving in circles on the back of her hand, barely listening to the minister until she heard her name. “Sorry, what?” she asked, completely distracted by the feeling of Toni’s hands in hers. 

Their guests chuckled softly as the minister smiled at her. “Your vows,” she repeated.

“Right.” Shelby squeezed Toni’s hands as she inhaled deeply. “Lord, I don’t really know what to say. Or, more accurately, I have too much I want to say that I could just keep going for days. But luckily, I have the rest of our lives to tell you and show you how amazing you are and I will, every day, so I’m gonna try to keep this short. I’ve always believed in the possibility of miracles but I never actually witnessed one until you. I know you don’t like to think about it like this, but you are a living, breathing miracle. When I start to lose my faith because the world is just so broken sometimes, I just have to look at you and think about the gift that you give me just by existing and I’m reminded that even in a world full of pain, there’s still so much beauty. You know, I always try to be optimistic and look forward to the future but the truth is, I really don’t know where I’d be without you because I wouldn’t be able to able to see that beauty anymore. You’ve given me a future I can look forward to. I love you, Toni, and I cannot wait for the rest of our journey together.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to follow that,” Toni muttered, making their guests laugh again. “I’m not really great with words but I did write some stuff.” She checked her pockets, swearing softly when she found them all empty until Martha tapped her arm, handing her a folded piece of paper. “Thanks, Marty,” she whispered. She unfolded the paper, shaking her head as she looked at what she’d written. “I wish I didn’t need the paper cause now everyone’s gonna be able to tell I’m shaking. In a good way though,” she clarified. “Shaking in a good way.”

She released a breath as Shelby put her hand softly against Toni’s arm. “Alright, so um… I love you, you’re my best friend. Sorry, Marty,” she whispered over her shoulder to Martha, who shook her head and waved her hand dismissively. “I guess some people during their vows would say something about how they can’t wait to wake up next to the person they’re marrying in the mornings, but I already get to wake up next to you, and I’m so lucky that I do. Not because of my uh… you know,” she muttered, motioning vaguely to her head then clearing her throat before she continued, looking down at her paper. “I’m lucky that you chose me, that you keep choosing me. There’s not a lot of people who have never given up on me, you’re one of them. Even though I did nothing to deserve it and even though I know I’m not the easiest person to live with, you have never once given up. I don’t know what I did in a past life to deserve someone who is so patient and kind and beautiful.” She let out a quick breath. “Yeah, I kinda went off script here and I’ve been talking way too long so now I’m just um…” She shook her head, folding the paper and shoving it into her pocket. “Basically, what everything boils down to is that I love you and I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you. And if Marty doesn’t have the rings, we’re kinda screwed.”

Behind her, Martha laughed and pressed the rings into Toni’s hand. “Always looking out for me,” Toni muttered.

“I’m happy to share the responsibility,” Martha said, winking at Shelby over Toni’s shoulder.

“So, you wanna get married?” Toni whispered to Shelby.

“Of course I do,” Shelby told her as Toni slid the wedding ring onto her finger.

\-----

Shelby almost had to laugh as she looked at Toni from across the small reception hall, on the dance floor with their friends as an old rock song she knew Dot had requested played. She excused herself from the group of friends from college and moved over to them, putting her hand on Toni’s back to stop her from headbanging.

“Can we try not to maim my wife already, please?” Shelby asked loudly over the music.

“Yeah, we’ll let you handle that over the honeymoon,” Fatin said with a wink. “I’ll go ask the deejay to slow it down a little.”

“On that note,” Dot announced, hooking one arm around Toni’s neck. “We’re doing shots.” Leah and Rachel both cheered.

“I’ll pass,” Shelby told her. “Don’t go overboard, please.”

“I’ll make sure they behave,” Martha said, following Toni, Dot, Leah, and Rachel to the bar.

“You behave too, young lady,” Martha’s mother called after her as she walked over to Shelby. “Congratulations, honey,” she said, hugging the younger woman. “I don’t think I have to tell you how special Toni is to our family.”

“Thank you.” Shelby nodded. “I know. I’ll take care of her, Mrs. Blackburn, I promise.”

“I know you will and it’s Bernice,” she corrected as Toni walked back over to them. “And you,” she started, turning to look at Toni. “You be good to her.”

Toni smiled. “Don’t worry about that.”

Bernice hugged Toni. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” she whispered. “If you ever need anything, anything at all, you know who to call, right?”

Toni nodded, starting to tear up a bit. “I know. Thank you, for everything.”

Bernice kissed Toni’s cheek softly as a slow song started playing. “I guess that’s my cue to let you two enjoy yourselves.”

“Thank you, so much, Mrs. Bla- Bernice,” Shelby said, holding onto Toni’s hand as she returned to the table where her family was sitting.

“You wanna dance?” Toni asked before Shelby’s mind could run away with her, looking at Martha’s younger sister and thinking about her own.

“Of course.” Shelby smiled as she put her arms around Toni, holding her close to her as the John Legend song played.

“I’m sorry they’re not here,” Toni whispered after a moment.

“What do you mean?” Shelby asked, pulling back just enough to look at her.

“Your family.”

Shelby shook her head. “I didn’t invite them.”

“I know but…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Shelby told her. “Besides, you’re my family. I’ve got my wife, the most beautiful woman in the world, in my arms right now. Frankly, I don’t much care about anything else.”

“Well, you’re wrong about one thing. My wife is totally hotter than yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wants to, you can send me prompts/fic requests on tumblr at reallytinylaura


End file.
